Amit Machtinger, probably the cutest Giorgio Armani model ever, has given a long interview to Israel's "7 Days" from her secret retreat in Spain. It is the first time Amit speaks out since her mental breakdown in 1998. It's a compelling read, not recommanded for people who don't want to know about the dark side of fashion.These are the highlights, special thx to Iris from Tel Aviv for the translation.
On her downfall: "It began slowly. I was taking more and more cocaine before shootings and especially afterwards, at nights. I was living in New York, a city I never liked, and since I was really lonely I offered shelter to a dutch model I won't name. It was supposed to be for a week, and it did going on for a year.
One night, when her boyfriend was in, he started to do heroin, and they were both shooting themselves. I have never done it and sticked to powder, and he got angry and started to yell at me, and then began throwing furniture and burning cigarettes,and that's how I was attacked in my own home.
I ran away and started to walk. I was crying. There I was, model of the year of "New York" magazine, my poster on every newspaper stand, and I had to walk all night long in the streets of the coldest city on earth. I realised I had absolutely nobody to call. I probably knew hundreds of people in NY alone, but I had no real friend, I had no frank relationship. It was all fake.I called a friend in London, and he said he'll immediately take a flight, so at 5 o'clock in the morning I took a taxi to JFK and just waited for the closest friend I could count on to arrive from across the ocean".
On her breakdown: "Four weeks later I was in Ibiza for ELLE France, I don't even remember who the photographer was. I had a huge suite in some luxurious hotel, and when the shooting ended I was all alone in front of the Mediterranean, and suddenly it reminded me of my hometown in Israel, and I couldn't believe I had to go back to New York. I sat there and started to do coke, more and more, and then I had this clear feeling that I had been erased. From the outside I had been erased for years now, since I was 15, because I had no control of the way I looked. Designers, stylists, photographers, make-up artists, hairdressers, all kind of ego-maniacs could decide how will I look today, and so on everyday, and I couldn't.
But because of the drugs, I had been erased from the inside as well. I was empty. I mean, completely empty. I had no will, no personality, no inside voice, I even stopped to dream. And so I suddenly began to loose it, and after a few hours in front of the sea, I called my agent and asked him to cancel all my future engagements, because I decided to quit. I didn't even bother to wait for her reply. I had another appartment, in London, I took a BA flight to there and 24 hours later I flied to Israel, to my parents".
on her missing years: "I don't want to talk about it much. I sent a letter of apology to my agent and to the photographers I was supposed to work with the following month. I received some very nice phone calls from Karl Lagerfeld, Jean Paul Gaultier, Valentino, from all the Chanel people. But I knew that if I accepted offers, I'll be back to the same despair. I had all kind of treatments. Let's just say that when I finally overcomed my cocaine addiction, I was 23 but felt twenty years older".
On the future: "I'm 27. I can't call it a comeback, it begins so slowly I'm not sure what's next. I live in the contryside, 20 minutes from Barcelona, with my boyfriend. I have another appartment in the Marais in Paris, I don't use it much because I can't stand the French. I have made some editorials, I'm in the new Yamamoto, people I've known phone me to say they've seen me in Vogue, but I'm not sure about the future. I was in Milan this year, and it was a nightmare as Milan always is, the producers were shouting at the girls as if we were cattle, and only when Naomi Campbell threaten to quit they somewhat improved their ways. Maybe it's too tough for me. I know I'm not a little girl anymore, but somehow I never had the chance to be one, to have my own childhood, so it's really difficult".
And in the end: "What can I say? This was my life, I can't judge it because I had no other. I wish somebody would have taken my hand and simply say, 'Amit, you're only 15, enjoy your childhood and try modelling when you're a bit older'. But it didn't happen that way. I suppose my parents only wanted the best for me. But it wasn't. I remember crying during a vacation that I didn't want to go back, that I just wanted to stay home with them, and my mother would say, 'you can't simply decide like that to cancel engagements, that's not a responsible way to deal with problems', and my father would go, 'you didn't give it a real chance, just give it a try and see'.
In the beginning I would set goals: I'll model till I have enough money to buy a CD collection. Then it was, I'll model till I have enough money to buy a motorcycle, and then a BMW, but what lies could I tell to myself after that?
When I was deep into drugs I seldom visited my parents, but they knew, of course. They told me they count on me,that I'm a good girl, that they are sure I know what I'm doing, that they believe in me. And you know, that's not the things to say when you send your 16 years old daughter away".