UK tabloid The Mirror slashes Naomi day after day for a week now, without mentionning her legal battle with the paper. Not very ethical, me thinks. Still, this is an amusing item from today's edition:

No matter how hard she tries, Streatham strop queen Naomi Campbell just can't hang on to a man.

News reaches us from the Big Apple of an embarrassing display between our favourite narcissistic narcotics smuggler and an American sports star.

We hear the 32-year-old "super"model was so keen to catch the attention of New York Knicks basketball player Kurt Thomas that, despite her best attempt to drape herself across the hunk at a nightclub, he fell asleep.

Our tale begins with a party held at the swanky Centrofly club in New York on Saturday night.

Turning up without recent lover Enrique Palacio, Naomi was accompanied by a bodyguard instead - well, you'd need one if you offended as many people as she does.

"Naomi wanted a table so we got her one in the VIP section away from everybody. She was near all the Knicks guys. And before I knew it she was sidling up to Kurt," reveals our source.

Lucky him.

"She spent hours trying to get his attention and then he just conked out," our spy continues.

"He just fell asleep right there. Naomi did not look happy." Sensible bloke. But how humiliating for Naomi.

Perhaps her "enthusiasm" was provoked by the competition which came in the form of fellow party-goers Quincy Jones's daughter Rashida and Spider-Man star Tobey Maguire's ex May Anderson.

Then again, we all know what Naomi's like when she sets her sights on someone.

Sadly for the odious clothes horse things didn't quite go according to plan.

She made such a minor impression on 30-year-old Kurt that his agent told us: "He has never met or had any dealings with her." Never mind, love, plenty more fish in the sea.

We can see why you thought you'd found your perfect match, though. Thomas has also been reprimanded in the past for being unable to control his temper.

The sportsman, who's a huge star in the US, has been in trouble with the NBA for fighting during basketball games on more than one occasion.

But even his fiery temper isn't as bad as Naomi's.

You'll remember that the arrogant model had such a problem with lashing out that she's attended anger-management classes.

Perhaps it's better for everyone (especially Kurt) that this potentially-explosive relationship never gets off the ground.