If I were Steven Meisel, you could hear my screams all over the Conde Nast building. I rarely saw in American magazines photographs ruined by editors and production managers as his ed with Karolina Kurkova was in the February's issue of Vogue US.

First of all, there's a green/yellow overdose in all the colors pics, Karolina looks almost ill. The b/w pics are blurry (the only OK pic technically is this one, but it's the most boring). In pages with white background, the paper is almost transparent, showing headlines from the other side of the page.

And of course the position of the ed in the break-of-the-book is truly strange. We're not talking "near the end" here. The ed is after the beauty department, in an area where most readers wouldn't venture at all.

One can guess Karolina is at the other end of the rainbow because Natalia must have a prominent position (thx to CK ads money), and her prominence can only rise if Vogue sends its own model of the year to the back-back-back end of the issue.

But the main problem is the styling and the packaging. The idea of the ed is cute: four "gorgeous singles" (Vogue dixit) are photographed having a date with Karolina. The problem is we can't believe the story board for a minute.

First of all, we all know (and Karolina makes it clear) that she has a boyfriend, and a powerful one. The guys are all bankers, that's Vogue's idea of a good date. Then, the styling is studio-based, they are clearly not "out on a date". And then, the short interviews with the lucky guys are improbable. There's almost no emotion from any side, just the automatic clichés - if the guys could see me now etc.

One of the four guys, we learn, has a girlfriend he plans to marry soon. Can't Anne Wintour find a real single guy to date KK in the entire NYC area? And another one is not really interested in girls (hint?), and says while embracing Karolina (pic above), "I can't stop thinking, what is the market doing now?". Don't restrain yourself, honey, that's exactly what Anne Wintour was thinking too.

SHOWBUZZ

Maggie Rizer ushered in New York Fashion Week by helping 7th on Sixth chief Fern Mallis ring the bell at the New York Stock Exchange, but that was her sole appearance; the all-America model has decided to sit out the shows.

Rivals snipe that Rizer wasn't booked for the top runway displays and that rather than appear in a few mediocre shows, she decided to skip the whole thing. But her handlers insist that's just idle gossip, and that, in fact, her absence is due both to a better offer and having to deal with a crisis back home.

As The Post reported last week, Rizer's stepfather John Breen has landed in rehab after gambling away the family's savings.

"Maggie's an American model with a tremendous presence and following at New York Fashion Week," her agent, Ivan Bart at IMG tells us. "This particular week, however, she decided to take care of personal business... But she'll be all over the runways in Europe."

Meanwhile, friends say Breen blew more than just the $80,000 he lost on Quick Draw in one week, as initially reported; some estimate the true figure is closer to $1 million, representing quite a bit of Rizer's earnings.